Could you please postpone your visit? I was not ready. I am not ready yet. I still have his good night messages in my inbox and our pictures on my table. I was told that in your visit I have to burn them all. I know you have been sent by my friends who are worried about me. “They could help you,” they said. “After their visit, you will be a new person. We promise,” they said. Funny, they never have been this serious when it comes to me. What they must be saying is true. Well, I googled you online and I saw girls who became prettier and sexier once they welcomed you. I don’t doubt you at all.. Still, I can’t greet you with open arms. Not today. Not tomorrow. I don’t know misters if I could ever get up from this bed. My pillows were too drenched of my tears.I don’t know if I could listen to songs and not cry out of loneliness. I don’t know if I could look at the mirror as if everything is alright and not perceive his eyes because you see, it was in them that I saw the beautiful me. I don’t know if I could spend every second busy and not a second shall I thought of all the laughter and pain I shared with him. I don’t know..
I am so sorry if I sound so pathetic. I am sorry if I seem rude not to welcome you in the deepest corner of my being. I am sorry I cannot be strong enough to let you in. Because you see misters, if going forward means saying goodbye to all of that, then I am not ready.
Ms. Broken Heart