Are you okay?

One stranger actually surprised me by asking that.

You know those times when everything in your life is spiraling down and you just sit there, staring, wondering how it all came to be. In those times, every little action and words spoken seem to lead to disappointment towards yourself and even to others. Why can’t I do this and that? Why am I not good enough? Why can’t my very own friends and family not see that I am in pain?  Why did I do that ? And now, I am regretting it. However, we only think of that when we actually have the time to think of that. I mean, everyday I get up, go to school, meet my friends, listen to an hour and half lectures, learn new things and review the old ones then go back home just to study for another day comprised of the same things.

Busy. I think they call it that — the universal excuse  for not caring about yourself and others. Busy, busy, busy. Always and never-ending busy. Why? Why are we so busy?Why do we feel the need to constantly prove ourselves to our professors and bosses? Or want others to like us?  Or  meet the family’s  expectations and the society’s standards?

You know what? When the time comes when a problem strikes, you, being unprepared,  always get knocked down first. Then comes the horror of looking back then realizing that this routine that you do has stolen your happiness. To look back and not see yourself laughing over small things because you were in a hurry, to find out that the dreams you envision is not what you are having today and to realize that you lived a life of a robot, always following orders and barely a mistake made, not of a human at all, could be quite terrifying but most of all, depressing. But then it also dawns to you that in the morning, after a night of crying because of loneliness or self-pity or disappointment, you have to do it all again and again for the all the mornings to come, forgetting the pain you have in your heart.

And so when someone asked me suddenly , ” Are you okay?”

I feel surprised, shocked even, that someone asked that. Was I okay? Then I realized that busy me had denied myself the right to be okay and all that anger and pain inside turned me into a bitter person.

Was I okay?

No. No I wasn’t.

So tell me, are you? Are you okay?