It’s 1 am and I am not asleep. Somehow, this thought keeps bothering me. It keeps coming back even though I’ve purposely tucked it in the deepest corner of my brain, hidden behind more important facts and chemical reactions I’m supposed to memorize, just to keep myself from being pissed. But for some reasons, it keeps resurfacing. So now, I just really have to rant or else I’d be a zombie.
First: The issue of not liking someone
There are many people roaming around my world and 75% of those had probably back-stabbed me and if their words were knives, I would have been lying on a coffin right now. (Thank God it isn’t the case.) What I wanna say is that, I’m used to people who talk behind my back or even talk shit in front of me. I don’t mind as long as what they’re saying is true (e.g I’m darker than they are, colder than a normal person, bitter etc. etc.) I repeat, I DON’T CARE. But you know, it’s a different case when you talk garbage about my friends or start a war for unknown reasons or throw shade at everyone as if you own a fucking forest. Now, THAT is what I really hate. The fact that egocentric, narcissistic and narrow-minded individuals do exist in this world and that they happen to be in my vicinity annoys me so much. I get it, you don’t like me nor my set of friends but why are we hearing rumors of you spreading ugly things about us? Not once but multiple times already. Don’t start a fucking war just because we happen to be composed of individuals with opinions different from yours. Believe me, there is magic in listening which you cannot obtain when you keep firing cannon balls with your words. Do not insult us behind our backs as if we are inferior because we are not. Again, we are highly opinionated and whatever it is that we say, we do not say it to impress others and most importantly, not to spite you. We simply are expressing what we feel is ought to be done and to offer you another perspective. Simple as that. No bullshits. Let me clarify this once and for all, I do not like this brewing war. I’m tired of these shits. I have demons to fight within me, I can’t do with another one outside anymore. I HAVE ENOUGH STRESS FOR A LIFETIME, I WOULDN’T WANT ANOTHER ONE.
BUT. There is of course, a but to that statement.
I am also not a person who cowers from the front line of the battle. I will meet you head on if that is what you want, which leads me to my second dilemma— you are not saying what you want so instead, here I am, wasting my energy trying to keep myself from senselessly sending missiles at you. Such that now, some would say we are ‘maayo lang sa sulti’, i.e., we are only brave when we are with our comrades but actually scared of you and the wrath of your people which is not the case.
Second: The issue of others being annoying
Some would say,” Why don’t you tag him on your post in Facebook? Why don’t you find a way to enrage him or just plainly call him out?” Dear ladies and gentlemen, I may be fierce but I am not stupid and unreasonable. Why would I do any of such things? Those things show clear disrespect to him. Whilst he is doing nothing but planning to destroy us, why in the world would I annihilate him and his entire minions before they tread the fine line that separates rumors and facts? As I’ve already said, I do not like the fact of a war coming and as long as they are being civil, I can’t just go all Cersei Lannister-and-her-wildfires on all of them. That’s being BS. That’s being like them and their unreasonable anger towards me and my friends. I shall not stoop down to that level. They can request for a direct confrontation and present their argument and sure enough would I give my counterargument but I will not fight like I am not educated, I will not fight as if my parents did not teach me the value of respect even with your enemies and I will not fight as if I am also an egocentric, narcissistic and narrow-minded individual. So for others there who keep saying that this bravery is a facade which we keep when we are among our friends, let me just clarify that although we seek other’s approval, we also know when to listen to ourselves and although we are ready for war, we are not going to erase their existence just because we happen to hear that they’re preparing for war too. That’s bullshit.
Now, I can sleep. Good mornight :’)