If I were to close my eyes right now, keep myself still, I swear I could still hear your voice. It’s funny how as I turned my back from you, as how I became busy in what I do, as how I veered myself on the direction opposite from what you’ve taken, I still heard your voice.

Because amidst those distractions, my brain singled out your laughter from everyone else’s.

Because despite how I try to ignore it, I feel like trying to go upward in bungee jumping when I’ve already decided to lift my feet off that ledge and face the fall. And just like that, the moment I heard your voice, I had to close my eyes, convince my heart to stop from beating like crazy and tell myself over and over not to look because I know that if I do, I’m just going to see how far I’ve fallen and realize the inevitability of falling farther.

And my God, it took all my effort to do that.

My love..

My love..

My love..

I whisper those words as if they are mine to whisper. I’ve longed to utter those words as if I have the right to say them. But by the angels, how could I? How could I ask you to hold me when I do not even have the right to make you stay? How could I dare listen to your laugh when obviously they are not for me?

Just like the passing wind and the swirling dusts I try and try to catch you but somehow in the process I’ve tripped and cut my hands trying to touch something that I thought was there just to realize that I was a fool the moment I opened my hands and saw that I’ve wounded myself going in circles for someone I can’t  even see. And that’s when I realized it wouldn’t be me, it can’t be me and it will never be me.

And as much as I hated that thought, I found myself continuing to walk on the road away from that voice, away from you. Because as much as I would like to look back, I doubt you’ll be looking at me. And as much as I don’t want to admit, there is really nothing for me to let go of because it was never there in the first place.

My Love..

I guess those words could only exist here.

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