This is a letter to my ‘dark self’. Not literally,no. What I mean is the one that no one but I could see. The one that gets hurt easily, the one that cries and the one that tells me I’ll regret sharing this.

 


If I could encase you in the same glass that left those shards in your soul, I would.

I would want you to know that people sometimes choose to hurt you but that doesn’t mean you stop believing in their ability to love and protect you.

If I could dry the river and hold its contents onto my hands and show you, I would.

I would want to tell you that like this water I hold, you are needed in this universe so please, please stop beating yourself into the idea that you are no more than a destructive force in other people’s lives

If I could transport you to the highest peak of the great Himalayas, I would

I would want to tell you that you are allowed to let people in even in the coldest part of your heart and show them that even in there, there is beauty to see

If I could take you to the place where Atlas once held the heavens with his bare shoulders, I would.

I would want to tell you that even the strongest of the titans tremble at the weight of broken souls, of human misery and troubled hearts and so dear, stop locking the door and crying silently as if you do not deserve to scream at this world’s unfairness and cruelty and to howl in pain and anguish for whatever burden you’re trying to carry alone.

If I could, then I would look into your eyes for you to realize that no my dear, the brightness that you see in mine are not the joy of other people’s prejudice and mockery but that is your own worth and the happiness that you have to suppress in the fear that fate will take away all that matters to you one day

If I could, then I would and I will utter to you the words you long to hear from me until you stop hating the way you are and the way you’re not. And I will tell you over and over again until these words become the lullaby that shall rest your bruised heart in nights when you want to end it all and the prayer that shall rest your soul at peace in mornings when you cannot welcome the sun anymore.

I will hug you and tell you

“I forgive you. “
For not meeting those expectations and hopes

“I forgive you. “
For choosing to give up and resign to depression when others easily say that you could’ve just gotten better if you choose to be it

“I forgive you. “
For the tear-drenched pillows, for that anger and fear in your heart, for the failures you keep torturing yourself with and for the times that you’ve become tired of putting that smile, tired of having responsibilities, tired of being me

“I forgive you. “

And I’m so sorry..
that you have to be me

If I could then I would do these things
but you are me and I, you
so if I could, then I would
but sadly, I still can’t.

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