Don’t look at me with such sad eyes.
You know all too well that mine reflects your agony.
Don’t ask me for forgiveness.
I am tired of giving it to you. Over and over. My heart feels hollowed out from those times I’ve chosen to look the other way yet my soul feels like it’s going to tear apart from the thought of saving myself from you.
Don’t kneel in front of me with tears in your eyes.
Everything was a lie. Everything is. Don’t make me suffer in guessing if this time, your tears are real. I’m finally showing pity to my heart after it had screamed for me to stop trying to validate myself with your compliments and your attention.
Go leave. Leave where I can no longer breathe the air we once shared. Leave where I no longer have to wonder if you’ve eaten, if you’re okay, if everything between us is still alright. Leave so I can fix myself. Leave so I can see myself once more in the mirror as a woman of her own worth rather than a woman whose worth you define.
Leave me because despite how hurt I am from all the things you’ve put me through, that’s the only punishment I could give you—not harsh words nor a slap in the face. No matter how much I want to say I regretted everything since the day I met you, that you’ve done nothing but take away from me the happiness I need, I can’t. I can’t because those moments were you and in the deep recesses of my heart which refuses to let you go, it whispers to me that I can’t possibly regret having you. And so go and don’t come back to me saying how everyday your heart broke from missing me because fool may I be but I can’t give myself the hope of your love.
If staring at your back while knowing you’ll forget about me sooner, if choosing not to fall in love with you again, if letting you go means freeing myself from you, then let this be the bravest thing I’ll do for you, for me, for what little is left of us.