I can’t compete with her

not by the soft way you speak her name

not the affection laced in it

nor the reverence which comes after

certainly not the way she can make you worry

and then smile in seconds

not by the mixture of hope and despair in your eyes

not even when she left

no, not even when she’s gone

And I hate it in every waking moment that we are together because it reminds me that I am fighting against someone who’s not here yet someone you would have preferred to hold your hand.