Valentine Morgenstern once said that to love is to destroy and to be the one loved is to be the one destroyed. It is easy to give one’s heart if one really does want to give it. There are holes, yes, and cliffs where one may fall instead on the road towards showing the depths of your being but if one is true about love, then there is no really such thing as not giving it. For there is a certain authorization to break or heal which someone bestows another when she/he starts loving them. But people don’t realize how it is to receive such unconditional love, to fit them into your once small world and hold it there.

I wish not to be destroyed.

I am someone with a soul of cracks to which I hide my lies and my secrets. If I continue to be as I am, the love everyone gives would just leak out of my soul, wasted, like a dam failing to contain the immense force of which water strikes it. It was not the fault of the water that it gives and gives. And hence, I have burdened myself with the duty of the one loved — by my family, by you, by everyone who still believes in whatever good remains in me. Burden, unapologetically so, because there is a weight I have to carry, a weight I decided to hold and there is no telling when it may finally rupture me. One day, I might be thankful of this which I call as my burden but not now. Sadly, still, not now.

People will tell of loving and being loved as if there is only an absolute in this reciprocation. People always talk about loving —  the act of loving still or loving at first sight or loving till death. Every kinds of love but always on the perspective of the person loving— a heart breaking, a soul lost or when lucky, a forever defined. People will say that there is courage in loving and privilege in being loved. That to love is the epitome of being selfless. It is true that there is courage in standing before the one you love, stripped of nothing but just you, and offering just that. But I believe we also need to appreciate the courage of those who see that kind of surrender before them — because it may hurt to break your soul but it also hurts to embrace them in order not to break one.

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