Two seconds was all it took for me to turn back around and walk away instead.
The first second was the burst of relief in realizing that home is just a few meters away welcoming my tired bones and worn body like stars falling to their place in a constellation. It was once again comfort without the questions, warmth without Time’s limitations and acceptance without conditions.
The second one was the pause and the onslaught of utter confusion— for home had been painted in bright colors I was not accustomed to, adorned with windows that greet the sun instead of shying away from it and a door which opens for everyone else to enter rather than just the single lost soul like it always had.
“ I am your home.” You had said once. But when once your eyes speak of both the delight and sorrows of the pitch-black night, they now are the color of the darkness hoping for that new dawn. When once the sound of our hearts mourning create greater echoes of loss and pain, like crests of two waves meeting, they now remain silent as the proximity between us becomes smaller. If you are my home then you would know that I will never bring that dawn to you or for you nor will I choose to change the beating of my heart just to match yours.
“I am still the same.” You insisted to me…But I know you are not. For I will always know you, my love, because I loved you. I love you. Not even the 2nd second changed that.