Sometimes her excuses catch up to her. Sometimes they swallow and blind her wholly. So sometimes, she just lets them. And then she wanders there in her own pointless world like Captain Jack Sparrow in Davy Jones’ locker— hopelessly lost but with all the company she needed at that particular moment. Her and herself.
But as often as those episodes of aimlessness drown her, she had always found herself beckoned by reality, by the people around her. And it’s like being doused in ice in the middle of blazing summer— she always had to wake up slapped with the things she needed to do, things she was told she must do for herself and things everyone else wants her to do.
And now that she had returned, once again bearing the ocean’s weight on her shoulders, she looked around and suddenly felt a pang a sadness. She remembered something — a question asked by Captain Jack Sparrow. It had been funny at that time, listening to him ask them. Now, she just understood how sad it is to ask for that slice of truth even if the one asking is known to have a hard shell for a heart.
“Did no one rescue me just because they missed me?”
She is not ready for whatever their answer might be. She’ll never be. No matter how cold-hearted others might think she might be.
All day she had waited. All day she had hoped. But when they came, they came first for what they needed before who they wanted.